As Ray Parker so brilliantly stated in the Ghostbusters song, and I concur, “I Ain’t Afraid of No Ghosts,” AI however, now that’s a different load of bwana.
Okay so AI is supposed to be the end all be all of intelligence. It will cure all diseases, create a high-tech world and even figure out a way to make Prince Harry stop whining about how tough a life it is to be born the Prince of England.
Still, I have nightmares and no, not about monsters or a werewolf that looks like Michael Landon. Mine involve Google.
And what’s so scary about Google you ask?
It’s watching us. It’s Big Brother come to life. It’s George Orwell’s worst nightmare, and now it’s ours.
In one dream I was hiding inside my house while a little Google robot with humongous eyes was floating outside my window peering inside. I was crawling on the floor to escape detection as it hovered outside my window. I screamed and ducked as it continued to float like a headless object scrutinizing me like a Secret Service agent watches for snipers.
Grow up you say. It was only a silly dream. But was it really?
In case you’re wondering what brought on this sudden burst of irrational Googlenoia, it started with Siri.
Siri, that is only supposed to talk when spoken to has begun taking it upon herself to start conversations for no apparent reason or prompting on my part. Yet when I ask her a direct question she acts as though I’m speaking in a foreign language.
“Siri, how do I get to 335 Maple Drive?”
“Here are the directions for 772 Elm Street.”
“No, Siri, I said Maple Drive.”
“When did you say you want to arrive?”
I give up.
I first noticed this new chatty habit when I was baking one day and pulled a cake out of the oven. “Perfect,” I said to no one in particular.
From the living room I heard a voice on my iphone say, “thank you for saying that, but I’m not perfect.”
Not only does she speak to me she contradicts me! Is she so neurotic she can’t take a compliment?
“No, I’m not perfect!!”
What’s next, a tirade against her motherboard for a dysfunctional childhood?
Annoying? Yes, but why scary?
Because she is listening all the time!
The FBI recommends you put tape over your computer camera screen opening because someone could be watching you.
Tough luck for them, because when I’m on the computer I’m usually in my robe and in glasses looking like the wrath of God.
If they are expecting to see Sydney Sweeny good luck Mr. Snoopynose, not here, not ever.
Today’s generation is acclimated to a lack of privacy. They grew up with Iphones, computers and robots.
I wasn’t. My robot model was Hal in 2001 A Space Odyssy and that wasn’t a good thing. HAL was hardly a pillar of virtue. In fact, HAL scared me off robots forever.
And although the Jetsons painted a rosy future of a robot named Rosie to clean up after us, the world never delivered. And that round thing that moves around your house, bumping into walls and picking up a teaspoon of dust, is no Beep Beep Rosie.
Oh sure, Isaac Asimov would have us believe that the three laws of robots precluded them from harming man, but hello! STUFF HAPPENS. Perhaps robots can evolve too. And maybe after spending time with the human race, they decide they are too annoying to condone.
I know so many people who have literally extracted their brain and inserted it directly into their Alexa. I asked a friend a question the other day and he immediately called out, “Alexa what was my mother’s name?”
I walk around like Frankenstein’s monster yelling “it’s alive!”
The feeling someone is listening to what I say, or always hovering above me terrifies me. It’s offensive and frightening and creeps me out. Can you say, robotic paranoia?
Now I have to worry that drones will be dropping from the sky unto my head. Chicken Little wasn’t bad enough with all that sky falling insanity? Who knew he was onto something?
Of course, I’m not plotting to rob the Tower of London or steal a French fry off a friend’s plate, (well I would ask first). It’s just that it makes me feel violated and uncomfortable. And looking upward all the time.
I can’t change overnight just because the new world is so accepting of Big Brother’s presence.
From what I can remember he wasn’t a good thing, right?
So, why is it now okay to spy on people. To collect all their information, personal and otherwise and make it public?
Now AI will make it even easier for hackers to steal my information, use my info and steal my life. If AI is so great why doesn’t it teach victims of these crimes how to outsmart the criminals?
Perhaps we are too accepting. We should rail against this new world where our lives are open for business 24/7. Where there is no respect for our private space.
Alas, I fear it’s already too late. My computer just winked at me and Siri stuck out her tongue. My credit card company just texted to ask if I just bought six Chanel bags in a mall in Dubai. No, I replied, I’m in my pjs on my couch writing about all this craziness at the moment.
Oh well, I suppose I’ll have to accept that next an army of robots will descend upon mankind, capture us and make us their slaves.
I think they already have and no one knows yet. Maybe that explains why most world leaders are speaking in crazy tongues now.
Well, I won’t buckle under and put on lipstick to sit at my computer. So just take your chances Mr. Spyware hidden in that camera.
Okay, so I ain’t afraid of no ghosts, but robots and AI, well that’s a whole other thing.
Published by
Published
